Dear American Airlines ... You're Scum Between My Toes

Dear American Airlines,

In the words of Alfalfa:

"I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes." 

Love, 

Lauren 

PS.

Thank you for acknowledging my bazillion tweets complaining about how awful you are because you screwed us on EVERY. SINGLE. FLIGHT. But you graciously made up for it by bumping someone off the 9:50 flight so that we could make it home. Your generosity truly made my night  ... and destroyed someone else's. 

While stranded in DFW, I learned a few valuable lessons:

1. My life is a sitcom. Everything goes wrong, and then it miraculously it all works out ... thanks to Twitter.

2. Packing dog food and baby formula isn't the same, exact measurements never pan out. You rarely run out of dog food, but you will inevitably always ran out of formula. 

3. Finding baby formula in an airport is like finding Waldo ... You'll eventually find that solo package, but it's after you have walked across the entire airport.

4. No one really listens to the TSA announcement warning you to report unattended bags to security.
During our hour long hunt for baby formula, unbeknownst to me,  I left Elle's suitcase in the first store we went to. We discovered my carelessness three terminals later. I won't name names, but someone in my family was not happy about this. 

5. Swim diapers are not the same as regular diapers. In my foolish attempt to ration regular diapers, I discovered that swim diapers keep water out, but they don't keep water in. Luckily, no one listens to the TSA announcements.

6. Just because your luggage was on an earlier flight doesn't mean it will be waiting for you at your destination after all 8:20 pm is the new 11:46 pm.