Realistic Fall Trends for My Southern Friends

Fall is always a bewildering season for me. I love the vibrant trees and the crisp air that takes my breath away and calls me back outside after a long hiatus from the summer heat. But let's be honest, we only promised vibrant trees if we got a surplus of rain, and sometimes the crisp air doesn't arrive until January. Therefore, I'm still stuck inside. If you live in the south, then it's safe to say you've lived through my predicament because the south tends to skip the fall and sometimes winter. I've worn shorts on multiple Thanksgivings and Christmases. If I'm lucky, I'll get to experience a few fall days sprinkled here and there.

www.glamour.com  L-R: Helmut Lang,
Rachel Zoe, 3.1 Phillip Lim

I am constantly in a state of turmoil because I never know what to wear. It's basically still summer outside, but yet my tan has faded. I can guarantee that I have to add an extra 30 minutes to my wardrobe planning process because I am constantly faced with the fall trend dilemma. Do I follow Fall Fashion Week trends or do I stray? Do I continue to hang out with my summer friends or do I move on despite the heat? The fashion mags bring me this (right), and yet it's totally unrealistic.

 Lady Gaga is not my fashion icon, yet I do give her props. She spiced up a Ulyana Sergeenko haute-couture gown coat, and she looks amazing. However, I'm not as dedicated to fall fashion as Ms. Gaga because it was approximately 80 degees in London when she sported this coat. Look at the chicks in the background: dresses, sandals, and cut-outs. Apparently they dressed for the weather not the fashion season. Realistically, I would be a chick in the background; yet, I would desperately want to be the brave Lady Gaga who would sacrifice comfort for fashion on an 80 degree fall day.

The key to fall fashion success is modification. I can easily modify the above structure white and black looks by removing the jackets and maybe skipping the above the knee leather boots. Besides the boots and my thighs probably wouldn't be friends. Might I also take this opportunity to inform you that the "White After Labor Day Rule" has officially been disband. Please stop referring to it. Fashion rules were meant to be broken anyway. Rule breaking sets the stylish apart from the rest of the crowd.

www.glamour.com
L-R: Libertine, Altuzarra, Skaist-Taylor

The Runways were loaded with not only blacks and whites, but anything from the red pallet: crisp reds, pale pinks, blood red burgundies. Patterns also made a huge splash. I highlighted looks that were achievable trends for a typical southern fall. You can also easily transform your summer looks into fall fashion must haves with a few simple accessories. Holla for the Collar! I am dying for a few collar necklaces that I will transform my simple summer T's into professional chic blouses. Belting for Belts! A simple skinny black belt will not only accentuiate your waist, but will also help you to stay on trend for fall. And can we give an AMEN for modesty this fall! High necks were a runway favorite.

So cover up your 'lady friends' and come out and play in the crisp or not crisp southern air!

Gossip Girl Saved Me From a Life of Bad Fashion

I cringe every time I think about my past fashion mishaps. My coming of age fashion sense was practically nonexistent. I shopped at good stores, but completely missed the mark when it came to pulling a look together. I rocked doc Martins long past their exploration date. When most girls were rocking sexy stilettos I was still sporting my docs. Even too fraternity parties ... I have to pause for an inward cringe and an outward gag. If it weren't for Facebook, I think I could have successfully blocked out my entire freshmen year of college due to bad fashion. Sadly, I was completely sober every time I considered myself fly. My worst of the worst outfit was a layered black T-shirt and red jacket paired with khaki pants (because I didn't get enough of khaki pants during my school uniform days, I carried them to college. I was cool like that.) I pulled my look together with a pair of red sporty loafers that Sporty Spice would have worn in the 90s. A guy from Atlanta walked up to me and said, "Hey it's good to see another Georgia fan on campus." I wasn't a Georgia fan. 

Apparently three shirts
weren't enough,  I needed
to add a blazer to polish
the look. 

Two wonderful words:
Frumpy
Disgusting

Spoiler Alert: This was
a Victoria's Secret
Nighty. I thought it'd
be sexy day wear.

Hollister Worker Wannabe Holla

I contribute my bad fashion to the fact that I had to wear a school uniform during my formative fashion honing years. I was forced to work out my fashion kinks during the time I was suppose to be mastering the art of dressing sexy. I recommend that every school disban school uniforms. They are damaging to future fashion icons. I would also like to contribute my bad fashion to the fact that I desperately wanted to work at Hollister. All the cool kids worked there. In case you couldn't tell from the above pictures, I also didn't master the art of being cool. My failed attempts to be invited to work there weren't just devastating to my self-esteem, but also damaging for my future fashion reputation. Apparently I didn't fit the "look" that the off-color surfer brand was targeting.

However 2007 was a golden year. I was introduced to a TV gem that pretty much saved my fashion life. Gossip Girl was CPR to my lifeless wardrobe. I emulated their sexy seductive style down to Blair's headband.

Post Gossip Girl Revelations:

Accessories are powerful objects.
A dull mundane fitted T shirt could instantly transform into a chic sophisticated blouse with the addition of a statement necklace. Accessories were powerful tools that could grant an outfit the right to be edgy and feminine at the same time. Never leave home without your power tools.

Heels, boots, and flats were my new best friends.
I would no longer grant myself the right to sport doc Matins or Sporty Spice inspired red loafers. Shoes were the key to greatness. People look more at your shoes than they do at your eyes; therefore, it should be a crime to wear sneakers anywhere but the gym. Boat shoes should only be worn on your yacht. Flip-Flops should only be worn at the beach. Don't leave home without a pair of decent best friends. And do spend a lot of money on your best friends, you will thank yourself later.

Tailors weren't just for the wealthy, they are for the polished.
A tailor is the difference between mediocre and va-va-voom. If it doesn't fit, get tailor. Ill-fitted outfits never make the best dressed lists. And a phenomenal tailor never goes unappreciated.


Fashion is more than just clothes, it's a look. Thank you Gossip Girl for saving my life.

We all try on old clothes from time to time, and sure we may even be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn't mean we should wear them again, EVER! ~ Blair Waldorf

Every closet's dream

My school uniforms weren't this sexy.

Polished and perfectly styled.

Pretty Sure My New Snack Rivals Jessica Simpson's Buttered Pop-Tarts

You know you have hit a low point in life when that is your blog title, but when you are obsessed with your new snack, you must dutifully inform others so they can experience mouth-watering greatness, too. This "skinny" obsessed girl has transformed into a closet eater.  Note: I am really not obsessed with actually being skinny only with the word skinny. I'll buy anything if it has the word skinny on it, but that was a previous blog, and I have learned my lesson. Not everything with the word skinny on it is good. (Cough Skinnygirl Wine) Also Note: I'm not really sure if you can classify your eating habits as "closet eating" if you are sitting on your couch with the bag and jar hanging out next to you.
I have discovered a sinful treat that I fill obligated to share because I am pretty sure it will transform your life, too. Chocolate Oreos smothered in Chocolate Jif. I have also mixed this with chocolate pudding, too. I keep it healthy by only using 60 calorie sugar free pudding.

At first I contributed my "fat girl" treat to depression. I could write a laundry list of things to be depressed about. I still don't have a job, and it's September. I've been denied social services, which didn't surprise me one bit. I still don't have a stinking library card. Apparently my driver's license, proof of residency, and passport was still not enough information for the Garland County Library because my SSN is not on any of those documents. (Yes, I am calling you out because America should be outraged by your library card stinginess.) Apparently Arkansas's policy is that illegal aliens are not allowed to read because they do not have SSN. I still haven't decided if I want to persevere and get a card or just give up. Part of me says, "Screw National Get Your Library Card Month," and the other part of me says,  "I want to tattle to the National Library Association so they can know about my struggles."  I won't drone on about that issue. I haven't been shopping in over a month, and I broke my dry spell. I went to a store (not even a good store) this past weekend, and the store's door shut on me so fast that it scrapped my ankle causing me to bleed and limp. I didn't even get free apparel for my injury so I'm contemplating a lawsuit. I would like to say that all of these issues have caused me to come home and eat my new snack, but they haven't. Sadly I am not depressed about my current situation. In fact, I find it quite humorous and am using it for material for my first novel. Be proud, 9 chapters and 26,526 words so far. I'm pretty sure I can score a Lifetime movie deal. Despite my lack of depression, I am a little irate over the library card incident because I think it is just plain tacky to reject me of a simple free card twice.

I have to contribute my sinful treat to my rich taste buds, and I can't call them taste bros after this treat because they are causing me to pack on the pounds. I highly recommend gaining a few pounds and tasting my Fall Treat! 

Don't Judge Me, I'm in the Middle of a Rant

The Retirement Community was not my friend today. Warning a rant is about to happen. I was denied an American Rite of Passage today ...  a library card because I didn't have an Arkansas Drivers License or my SS card. Who even carries their SS card on them? Isn't that rule number 1 for identity theft? What are they going to do run a background check before I can check out a book or trace me through my SSN when I fail to return a book? And since when are illegal aliens not aloud to check out a book? If they can get government assistance, they should be aloud to check out a library book to better themselves. What would Ben Franklin think of this? Let's not forget September is National Library Card Sign-up Month and I was denied this basic human right on September 4. I remember when I got my first library card; all I had to do was sign my name to the back of the card because I was four ... I didn't even know my SSN yet.

I would also like to rant about the fact that I wouldn't be in this predicament if I hadn't broken my kindle.
Yes, I am still a little bitter about that. I realized when I was giving myself therapy (we can't afford a real therapist, so I'll have to do) that my broken kindle and lack of funds to buy a new one was the root of my major melt-down. The fact that I was denied a library card just adds salt to an open wond.

Don't judge me because I am full of rants today, and you really don't want to be next on my list.

I also had to go to that depressing and dreaded office that people without jobs go to to get moolah. I won't bore you with the gory depressing details. Just know that I was also denied that assistance. Have I mentioned that this was a depressing step for me to make? Then I had to face rejection once again, while I listened to a woman justify that she worked for an entire month because she worked on the first day of that month. Lady I was ashamed to walk in that door. I want to work and can't find any work, not beat the program!

Don't judge me because I celebrated Labor Day and I am not a current Laborer.

Don't worry before you think I am going to political on you, I will inform you that I was a horrible Republican because I watched the Pretty Little Liars BetrAyal  instead of the RNC ... I had to find out who was helping "A" out. I googled and youtubed the speeches so don't worry I educated myself.

I will confess that my life would have been ten times easier had my mom made me a Disney Channel Triple Threat. No I can't sing, and yes, I dance like a white girl. (My sister got all the "good" talent). Since when did white girl dancing become a negative? However, I'm a pretty decent karaoke rapper ... I can bring the house down with Gangsta's Paradise. If only impersonating Coolio was a legit job. I will also confess that every time I walk in my front yard, I consider picking the 100 tiny baby mushrooms and selling them on the streets. Time wasn't on my hands because the sun scorched them today before I could work up the nerve to pick and sell them, adding to another reason why the Retirement Community wasn't my friend today.

The highlight of my day ... perhaps even week (because every good rant has to end with a positive) was finding out who was going to be named the next permanent cohost on Live with Kelly. If only we had placed a bet because I knew it was going to be Michael Strahan. Perhaps I could have won enough money to replace my kindle!