Peace Out NICU

Deuces NICU. Adios. Hasta la vista. Ciao. 

... Well not quite, maybe by the end of the week we can officially say peace out. I'll be honest, I've been saying the girls should be coming home in a week or two since they arrived. BUT this time, I REALLY MEAN IT! We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Call us naive, but we really had no clue they would be hanging out in the NICU for a month. During our first week there, we asked the nurse, "so where do they keep the really sick babies," and the nurse said in a deadpan tone "here." We were in Pod 2; the further back you are, the more critical. Now we are rocking out in Pod 6! 

If I could describe this experience in three words, it would be the most obvious three words: emotional roller coaster. I have felt extremely blessed by the outpouring of love that we have experienced. So many people have been praying for Livi and Lucy and loving on us. I couldn't imagine going through this journey if we didn't have people walking through it with us. In the midst of gratitude, I have been ridden with guilt. Guilt because my body failed me and they were born two months early (I know what you are thinking and yes, you are right, I was in complete control over when they were born). Guilt from leaving them to go take care of Elle. Guilt from leaving Elle to go take care of them. Guilt from going to Home Goods to buy lamps and Dillards to buy eye shadow and to shop the Labor Day sale ... Note: I only bought eye shadow nothing else for myself, so I'm really not that awful of a parent. Guilt for not writing Thank You cards to everyone ... Note: the longer it takes me to write them, the less likely I am to actually write them. So to you who took time to do something nice for our family thank you and I'm sorry this thank you didn't promptly arrive in your mailbox the next week. After hours of feeling guilty, I find myself back to feeling blessed because our girls are healthy and are fighters, which is promptly followed by another wave of guilt because our girls are healthy. Unlike the precious angel in the pod over who has been there for 6 months and her family had to finally say goodbye to her. It breaks my heart every time I think about them going through this journey and it not ending with them bringing their baby home. I know that everyone in the NICU and the whole entire hospital for that fact has a heavy heart and is desperately praying for a miracle. I know how truly fortunate we are, so now I'm back to gratitude.

Everyday, I take a much needed break from my wide range of emotions to become obsessed with kilograms. I feel like a drug dealer consumed with kilos, a mathematician as I convert those kilos to pounds and ounces, and a champion for the Metric System ... life would be so much easier if we ditched the Standard System and jumped on board with the Metric System. 

Through this storm, God has provided us with countless moments of comic relief, and for that I am once again incredibly thankful. And thank you to the dad who was astonished by the amount of breastmilk I made as we were turing in our liquid gold. You made my day, and made me feel like I truly accomplished something great!