21 Lessons Learned in 2012

Yes, there is life in the Retirement Community again. I've missed you too. I have had to take a brief hiatus from blogging due to the gruesome demands of subbing, but rest assured I'm back ... until sub-teach calls to wake me up at an outrageously early hour. Despite the dread, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be a substitute teacher. I have been able to provide a little income for the family, and I have embraced the humility with arms wide ... maybe not-so-wide open.  I have gone from the status of an award-winning experienced teacher to the bottom of the totem pole. Oddly, through my humility I have gained freedom. With clarity, I have realized that I really don't want to be a teacher anymore. Luckily I have a whole other degree to fall back on! I highly recommend getting two degrees in case you really don't know what you want to be when you grow up! My early retirement from teaching is not due to the fact that I didn't like the profession. I just have not missed teaching one bit ... well that could be a lie. (It probably is.) I will miss my comical students, but I am fairly certain that my own children will fill that void, and if they aren't funny I'll just have to rent some funny ones. Don't worry I am also 99% certain that if someone offered me a teaching job, I would snatch that up without any hesitation.

Through this whole process I have had to learn one serious lesson, I can't put my self-worth in the success of my career. My self-worth comes from above, not my pay check.

Over the course of my roller coaster year I have learned plenty of other valuable lessons.

1. Sometimes you just have to move back in with your parents.
2. Life isn't over just because you live in a Retirement Community and all the restaurants close at 9 pm.
3. Even though you just want to make friends, you are a creeper when you show up at the play group without being a mom. 
4. Depression can hit you like a train and last as long as a monopoly game.
5. You aren't a loser just because it's three in the afternoon and you haven't brushed your teeth yet.
6. When you are poor and you break your kindle, you do have to wait until Christmas to get a new one. 
7. Your husband will still love you when you have a psychotic meltdown in the kitchen because all the noodles spilled on the floor. 
8. He will continue to love when you explain that the dirty pasta has absolutely nothing to do with your current meltdown.
9. It's ok to start a business selling jewelry because that will give you the perfect excuse to buy the jewelry you have been lusting over for the past few months. www.stelladot.com/laurenwarren (Shout out)
10. You can still consider yourself a fashion icon even though you can't afford to go shopping every Saturday or any Saturday.
11. Your true friends still call when you are poor and unemployed. They let you fill them in on daytime television because that is all you have to talk about. AND they definitely don't tell you that they thought you would have a more toned body since you have a ton of free time to work out. 
12. It's ok to consider the blogger at www.skinnytaste.com as your personal meal planner.
13. It's ok to consider yourself the sous chef of the blogger at www.skinnytaste.com. 
14. Library cards really aren't that crucial.
15. I am taking time off to write a book is a legit fib to tell strangers and not strangers when you are unemployed.
16. The Walking Dead board game is right. There really won't be a winner during a zombie apocalypse. 
17. Turning on the roomba counts as a productive day.
18. It's ok to use the excuse we like to travel as a reason not to have kids even though you can't afford to travel.
19. NEVER take a trip with strangers from your spouse's class because they will charge you an arm and a leg to sleep on the floor and they will ruin your Napa trip.
20. Being from Arkansas doesn't guarantee a free pass to look homely. It's OK to be scared of the homely looking people. 
21. My life really isn't that bad. I have a happy, healthy, loving family and that is really all that matters. They love me even when I can't afford to buy them a real Christmas card and will cry when I try to pay them the full amount of my haircut because they know I am really just paying them with school loans. 

Leave Your Pants at Home

 Yes you heard me right; leave your pants at home. Even though I am dying to wear pants, I know I have leave home without them since there is a shortage in my pocketbook. I simply can't afford to leave home with pants. I am forcing myself to accept the thoughtlessness of the fashion industry; I know they don't mean to set trends that people can't follow. They simply do not realize they are asking us to buy double the clothes in a semi-struggling economy. I will forgive them for their carelessness because I have mixed emotions about this current trend. Part of me finds it utterly outrageous because I am broke. I just can't deal with the stress of trying to buy additional layers on a budget. And then part of me welcomes this trend as a blast from the past. Like Ms. Hathaway, I wasn't as chic as Ms. Roberts when I rocked the pants and dress trend. I was desperate for a tunic because they were all over the runways, but like most trends tunics weren't immediately stocked in stores, so I did exactly what Anne Hathaway did, I wore a dress with my jeans. Before you consider me a fashion icon note that this was also before I welcomed skinny jeans into my life; therefore, I too was a hot mess. Sadly I didn't realize my outfit would be a fashion forward choice and I only documented it from the waste up.

 Since I'm not a Chanel runway model, I know I have to make a few adjustments to successfully rock this look. I am short therefore everything needs to be tailored perfectly. I need to avoided long boot cut jeans because they will make me look sloppy and dumpy. I need to buy straight slim cropped pants. Cropped pants will make me look taller unlike the baggy jeans. I should probably avoid jeans like the plague because jeans have pockets that have the potential to make my JLO/KimK behind look like a lumpy hippopotamus if my dress fabric is too clingy. (Also since, I'm not a Chanel runway model I will not glue crystals to my eyebrows no matter how tempting that is!) Before stepping out in your pants let's take a moment to be honest Emma Roberts looks chic from the front, but her side view doesn't give her body justice. I am afraid this trend might make some of us (me) look like a balloon not fashion icon. But if you must rub your wealth in my face go ahead and wear your pants. Unfortunately I am leaving home without them.

Sometimes Sweaters Make Me Look Fat

Cheers to winter, which is swiftly approaching! Winter/Christmas is every shopaholic's dream. I'll admit I am notorious for buying "me-presents" while shopping for others. Nothing excites me more than swiping my credit card while being surrounded by vibrant Christmas trees in department stores or lugging all of my shopping bags inside while smelling the scent burning firewood floating through the air. The only downfall to this jolly time of year is my winter wardrobe dilemma - frumpiness. I've decided that wearing a mobile fireplace aka a cozy sweater isn't worth it. I'll gladly freeze. Sweaters just make me look frumpy and who wants to look frumpy? Since this classic trend has graced the 2012 fall and winter runways, I am left with the challenge of deciding whether I should follow this trend. I have spent countless hours dissecting runway pictures and dissecting pictures of me in sweaters and I have come to several conclusions.

1. Avoid bulky sweaters at all cost because they hide your waist. Everyone needs a waist! To make you think you can easily rock a bulky sweater, designers stick the waif in bulky sweaters or they pair the sweater with shorts - totally logical. If it were plausible to wear shorts with my chunky sweaters, I know I could chunk my frumpy sweater mentality out the window because I have always felt shorts give me the illusion of having slimmer legs. But in reality, if it is cold enough to rock a chunky sweater then it's too cold to rock shorts. If you must rock the chunky sweater wear it with your tightest skinny jeans or leggings because access fabric upstairs and downstairs equals frumpiness.

2. It's all about the fabric. Extra fabric gives the illusion of extra pounds. For years Victoria's Secret fooled me into thinking fabric didn't matter when it came to sweaters. Every modeled dawned this heavy Bouclé fabric and, of course, managed to look skinny in it because, after all, they're airbrushed. Finally, at my friend's surprise engagement party I tragically realized after an embarrassing catastrophe that this fabric was not flattering on me. Consequently, I was left with a bruised rib from an overly tight belt. I thought if I belted my chunky sweater then I would still look slim, and I momentarily did until my belt snapped in half from the pressure of me breathing and the extra sweater fabric. Ditch chunky sweaters, if you are curvy and choose a lightweight fabric. Cashmere isn't just for the wealthy it's for the chic. Cashmere is a lighter fabric, therefore the extra fabric will not give the illusion of extra pounds.

3. Vertical lines are your friend when rocking a sweater! An accessory like a long necklace or a buttoned up cardigan will give you the illusion of a leaner and more slender torso. I have dissected myself in sweaters and have determined that my waist looked like a wide six lane interstate and the only way to break up the lanes was to add a vertical yellow line. I happen to have an array of long necklaces that would be the ultimate sweater lifeline at www.stelladot.com/laurenwarren.

4. Believe it or not the Doiman sleeve (red sweater) is flattering even though it is extra fabric because this extra fabric serves a purpose. The sleeve cuts right under the bra band giving the illusion of a slender waist.

Successful sweater wearers are like magicians ... it's all about the illusion.

(Also note that the pants under dresses and skirts look was all over the runway ... we can chat about this later!)

You Oughta Know That Nothing Compares 2 U!

Watch out, I'm having a moment and it smells like teen spirit. I've been waiting for this announcement for twelve long gruesome years. It's official the 90s are back and trending! Joan paid tribute to 1992 on the cusp of Glamour magazine's announcement of the official comeback. I couldn't be happier. Welcome back! My outdated itune's playlist and I have missed you. Note: we are not welcoming back the waif model, grunge attire, or filth. Your hair must be clean at all times!

Wait one moment I just need to slap on my bracelet, pull my hair up in my scrunchie, strap on my neon color block fanny pack, and whip out my discman before I can continue. What? What do you mean you put my neon orange slap bracelet and and all my scrunchies in a garage sale years ago? Even the fanny pack? I thought that was so practical. I swore you said this was a wardrobe staple. Good you still have the discman because you're right, you never know when the ipod will break. Thanks Mom! Also before I can continue I have to make a few apologies. I'm sorry I let you down Six, I tried my hardest to talk as fast as you, but my Southern drawl just wouldn't let me succeed. I'm sorry Andrew Keegan I broke my promise, I married somebody else. But to be fair, you grew a mustache. However, I will still serenade you with my music video to Wannabe. I've been campaigning for approximately 26 years Mary-Kate and Ashley, when are you going to finally let me be the official fan club president?

While I love all things 90s, I inwardly and outwardly cringe every time I look at a photo of my 90s wardrobe. Yes, I owned purple and green plaid overalls, a blue jean sunflower blossom hat, a bolo (I don't know... cowboy attire was never cool), puffy sleeves and shoulder pads were must haves (my bangs needed to be as puffy as my sleeves), and my homemade royal blue, pepto pink, and burnt orange jumper took color blocking to a whole level. Thanks Grandma. My fashion flashback is horrendous, so if we are welcoming back the 90s, we must make some minor but significant adjustments!

 

Although I'll always think of a pudgy Al from Home Improvement when I see plaid, it's back and we can do it tastefully. Ditch the under shirt and accessorize! MK models a modern flair to 90s plaid. I have a blue and grey plaid shirt that I kept in my closet in case I ever needed to dress up like a cowgirl, and now I can wear it in real life. No, sadly I didn't save my bolo. 

Even though my sunflower denim hat is still consider unacceptable, the fedora isn't and you don't have to be artsy to rock one!

Despite my mom's persistence about denim, it hasn't been cool for about a decade. However, it has finally made a legit comeback. Normally I'd be ashamed to admit that I wore denim on denim, but I did and I looked chic! As long as your denims aren't the same shade, it's a do! Throw in a funky color statement necklace and you'll be trending too!

I'll always be a puffy sleeve and shoulder pad lover. Somehow the puff makes me feel a bit taller. I did, however, ditch the bangs for a forehead, and it has made all the difference!

Even though I feel like a present day Kris Jenner wannabe, I still rock the heck out of a blazer. It's the new cardigan. Color Blocking is back! If only Grandma could sew normal looking outfits.

 

Lastly, the key to looking chic in the new 90s is a good tailor. We might be bringing back the color palets, but we aren't bringing back oversize clothing. Drop the jncos! If you must sport an oversized sweater put your tightest leggings on. If you don't, you'll look sloppy and fat, and no on wants that! Kristin Davis has a banging body under that oversized plaid coat, and we can't even tell!

Since, my whole house can't be decorated in bright neon colors (my husband's rule ... definitely not mine) then my closet will be! Go neon, not neutral this fall! Welcome Back 90s; you've been missed!

Nervous Breakdown ... Pretty Sure I'm Having One

So I finally broke down and applied to be a substitute teacher. This minor event in my life has essentially caused me to spiral into a nervous breakdown and land into an even further state of depression. I know you think I am going overboard, but I'm not! I associate this event in my life with failure. Substituting was my last resort. I have tried endlessly over the last five months to find a job ... any job:

• Manager-In-Training at Sam's Club and Walmart
• Pharmaceutical Sales Rep 
• Manager at Victoria's Secret 
• Special Needs Pre-K teacher
• Doctor's Office Receptionist (multiply offices)
• Living Social Account Manager 
• Insurance Sales 
• Online College Teacher for Education Classes
• Online Elementary Teacher 
• Real Life Elementary Teacher 
• Kellogg's Sales Rep 
• LakeShore Learning Sales Rep 
• Pearson Text Book Sales Rep 
• Bank Loan Agent 
• Bank Teller 
• Travel Agent 
• Merchandiser 
• Retail 
• Newspaper Columnist
• and the list goes on and on and on. I don't even remember half the stuff I have applied for. I job hunt daily, even on Saturdays and Sundays. Dedication. I have even contemplated joining the military because I am pretty sure, I could get a job that way.

All of these attempts have been epic failures. I have been told: I'm not qualified, I'm over qualified, We really can't afford you (I'm cheap ... I'm poor), You'll have to drive an hour to work - are you sure you are still interested? Yes, I'm still interested because I am poor and need a stinking job! Since when are we punished for being over qualified? I have a Master's degree; I'm a quick learner! I can bring myself up to qualification level overnight! I have applied to website after website to help me find a job. I'm beginning to think they are all a sham. I'd love to temp for an employment agency, but sadly there are no employment agencies in my Retirement Community, so that idea is a bust. I frequently have an identity crisis. I don't know my purpose. I don't know why I'm here, except for the fact that I can finally live under the same roof as my husband again. (And for that small fact ... my nervous breakdown is worth it) And before you think I'm just a statistic that your tax dollars are paying for, please note that I went kicking and screaming to that office and was denied of that service, too.

My nervous breakdown is not a result of the fact that I have spent the last five months of my life trying to find a job; it's the fact that I have to pay money to be a substitute teacher. I have already paid the State of Arkansas well over a grand and a half to be a teacher. No problem, I didn't mind paying all the fees. I knew my first paycheck would go to reimbursing myself for my expenditures, no problem. However, I never received my first teaching paycheck because I was never hired to teach. Instead they hired aides for classroom in the place of qualified teachers. Not bitter ... I get it. But now I am being asked to pay for the same background checks that I have already paid for ... I'm already in the system look me up!

The day of my last resort has finally arrived, and I once again went kicking and screaming to the subbing office and all the way through the application process. I had to write three paragraphs on why I want to sub ... Hmmm let's see. Do I want to sub? Absolutely not! Do I enjoy subbing? Absolutely not!  I am a planner, and subbing is a career meant for non-life-planners (we'll call it a career for a lack of a better term). You never know if you are going to work that day, so you get ready - no one calls. You don't get ready - everyone calls. It's stressful. Do you go to the gym in the morning when no one called? If you do, they might call you for a half day and now you are sweaty.


I'm not complaining, I know people are in much worse situations than me. I'll be ok! I just want a job that I don't have to pay money for and preferably one that I can wake up knowing that I am going to work that day.

Inspired

Moving is an enlightening experience. Some friends keep in touch and some don't. Some rearrange schedules for your impromptu visit. Some proof read a book that will never be published because they love you. Some spend money they don't have to buy jewelry they don't want because they pity their friend who is now selling jewelry since she couldn't find a 'real' job. And Some even clear a space in their business to let her set up a jewelry booth. (Obviously, I'm not talking about myself because selling Stella and Dot jewelry is a REAL job!)


This past weekend, I was in awe of the unselfishness of my friends and family. They constantly rally behind their loved ones because they genuinely want what's best for them. I realized this weekend that many of us, including me, go through life with an 'It's all about me' attitude. I am lucky to have been blessed with people who realize that the world doesn't always revolve around them. On Friday night at approximately 10 pm while sitting on my cousin's couch trying to invent a way to dye hair faster, I decided to insure that I lived the rest of my life without an 'It's all about me' mentality. As we were thinking of inventions that will make us rich, my friend texted me about a blog idea that could make the world a richer place to live in.

(Yes, we are that lame. My other cousin has already pointed out that I obviously have no life since my friend is texting me about blog ideas that will make the world rich, while I'm sitting with them trying to come up with inventions that will make us rich. But in my defense I have to find something to occupy my time in the Retirement Community, and my other cousin didn't get a reality TV show, so she needs to dye hair faster so she can see more clients. We are just trying to make lemonade out of lemons.)

I can't take credit for my next idea because they are many factors that come into play and none of those factors are a direct result of my creativity. My friend suggested that I commit my blog to doing one random act of kindness a day for an entire year. Her idea hit home because my morning radio show, Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, was just talking last week about how the world would be a better place if we were constantly being kind to one another. Kidd challenged the listeners to do one random act of kindness that day. Then on Sunday, I was sitting in church and the guest speaker made a comment that made me stop and think, "This election will not fix the country. Our country has a heart problem, not a government problem. When we fix our heart problem, our government problem will follow." I'm not getting into the nitty gritty about politics, but the bases of his statement spoke truth. We all have heart issues because we live in a culture that has the 'It's all about me' mentality.

Will I be able to actually do one random act of kindness a day for a year? Who knows because I don't leave my house except to go to the gym. (Leaving the house = spending money, and when you are poor you can't spend money, so that means you can't leave your house.) However, I am committed to trying, and I invite you to go through this journey with me!

Hello, I'm a TV Junky

Obviously unemployment as left me with an enormous amount of free time on my hands, and lucky for you I have dedicated my free time to you and your TV needs. I watched it, so you don't have too. I have weeded through my DVR and compiled a review. Your TV Review Compilation awaits.

Several things to note:

• Reality TV not included. However, Giuliana and Bill will once again cause me to tear up every Tuesday night as I watch their journey to parenthood unfold before my eyes. 
• I did try to watch every new show if it looked interesting. Sorry if we don't share the same interest. Actually I'm not sorry.
• There are too many singing/dancing shows, CSI shows, and Law and Order shows for me to care about. However, I love that a guy from Shreveport will be on the X Factor so I might have to break my rule and watch.
• NBC still hasn't challenged me with TV brilliance to leave my other networks. Sorry NBC I haven't watched you since you had Must See TV.
• I'll admit the ABC network pisses me off every year because they cancel TV gems just as I am getting invested in story lines. I have a laundry list of shows that were canceled prematurely: Pan Am, Eli Stone, GCB, Flash Forward, Cougar Town, Samantha Who? ... I'll stop now. I voweled to never watch ABC again because they keep dumb shows like that red ball show, and yet they hooked me again this year. 

Sunday 
Once Upon a Time -  ABC - The magic is back! I am excited to see where the new season takes us. My interest is sparked with the mystery man at the beginning of the episode. Actually I lied, I thought he was the Mad Hatter. I'll admit the season premiere was a little slow, but I know that things will heat up as the season progresses.

Revenge -  ABC - Perhaps one of my favorite new TV shows last year, and it started back with a bang! I predicted that Victoria was alive so it wasn't a shock when they revealed that little jewel. I know this season will be just as scandalous and riveting as the last. Call me unAmerican I am a little upset that the Presidential debate will cause me to miss the second episode of the season. Couldn't they have debated before the Fall line up started back? ... Half way through my review, I realized that today is Wednesday and Revenge moved to Sunday ... YAY! I'm still American!

666 Park Avenue -  ABC - Too scary for me to watch before bedtime. Plus I already read that after one episode ABC is considering canceling. Therefore, I will no longer watch because they will inevitably cancel it. However, I had a mad crush Dave Annable during his Brothers and Sisters stint.

Mentalist -  CBS - I would have thought this show would have lost steam by now, since they keep stringing us along with this Red John character, but it hasn't. I'm still tuning in, and deeply involved.

Monday - a slow TV night
Mob Doctor -  FOX - I'm a mob lover so of course I love this show. My husband, the nurse, thinks the show is too unrealistic because she is always leaving the hospital to do mob stuff. He's right, but who cares about hospital reality and logistics when you are watching TV.

Partners -  CBS - Funny.  I love the lead girl because she has a raspy voice like me, but this story line has been done before. It reminds me a little of Mad Love, and quiet frankly I liked that canceled show better.

Gossip Girl -  CW - Call me 16, but I am still watching and patiently waiting for her return.

Tuesday - a rival with Sunday for best TV night
Ben and Kate -  FOX - Couldn't even finish the first episode.

New Girl -  FOX - Still hilarious! I just want to be best friends with Schmidt.

Go On -  NBC - Funny, but the SNL skit mocking Ryan Lotche and this show was almost funnier than the actual show. Though, I do always root for Matthew Perry because he went to rehab and I just don't want him to have another failed TV show, which might cause him to spiral out of control and end up in rehab again.

The Mindy Project -  FOX -  Voted Best New TV Comedy by me! I laugh just as much as I do during New Girl.

Vegas -  CBS - I'm a mob girl and I love Vegas, so I like it. It makes me wish I lived in Vegas during the Rat Pack era. Plus I have a long standing crush on Mr. Quaid. If I have a crush on you, I'll watch your TV show.

Wednesday - lost it's title as funniest night on TV to Tuesday.
The Middle -  ABC - Funny, but dumb. I am bitter about this show, and I honestly never understood how this remained in a prime slot in the Fall lineup when Happy Endings and Cougar Town were mid season replacements for the network. I'm not biased because my husband's tweet was in a national campaign for Happy Endings. I guess someone is watching it because it hasn't been canceled.

Neighbors -  ABC - It's about Aliens so it will also inevitably be canceled by ABC. See the network screws themselves because we have caught on to their reputation.

Guys With Kids -  NBC - I wanted to watch this show, but NBC started back way before everyone else, I missed the beginning of this series. I'll have to catch up online. PS I know their premiss probably came from the dad scenes in What to Expect When You are Expecting.

Modern Family -  ABC - Many suggested that they had lost their steam last season and that adding a baby is a last ditch effort to save a sinking TV show, but they are still funny and quirky and I wouldn't classify Modern Family as a sinking show. I still laugh out loud, and NBC is trying to copy it with their new show The New Normal. I would also like to point out that until recently I thought it was a last stitch effort ... it's ditched which makes zero sense to me.

Super Natural -  CW - The show that I could care less about, but have seen every episode because it is my husband's favorite. At least the graphic effects are better than they were in season 1.

Thursday  
Up All Night - NBC - I love that Ava lost her job. Lots of humor is to come.

Elementary - CBS - I love the twist on Sherlock Holmes; however, his character reminds me of a mix of House and the Mentalist. Very clever and fast paced, and if I am not listening I will have to rewind to catch what he said. The twist of a female Watson leaves me wondering if there will be a love connection.

Vampire Diaries - CW - Still patiently waiting for their return! Next Thursday! And yes, every Monday and Thursday night I am a 16 year old again.

Friday = Fashion Police on E!  Can't resist my Pop of Culture!
Saturday - I'm not a total loser!

Realistic Fall Trends for My Southern Friends

Fall is always a bewildering season for me. I love the vibrant trees and the crisp air that takes my breath away and calls me back outside after a long hiatus from the summer heat. But let's be honest, we only promised vibrant trees if we got a surplus of rain, and sometimes the crisp air doesn't arrive until January. Therefore, I'm still stuck inside. If you live in the south, then it's safe to say you've lived through my predicament because the south tends to skip the fall and sometimes winter. I've worn shorts on multiple Thanksgivings and Christmases. If I'm lucky, I'll get to experience a few fall days sprinkled here and there.

www.glamour.com  L-R: Helmut Lang,
Rachel Zoe, 3.1 Phillip Lim

I am constantly in a state of turmoil because I never know what to wear. It's basically still summer outside, but yet my tan has faded. I can guarantee that I have to add an extra 30 minutes to my wardrobe planning process because I am constantly faced with the fall trend dilemma. Do I follow Fall Fashion Week trends or do I stray? Do I continue to hang out with my summer friends or do I move on despite the heat? The fashion mags bring me this (right), and yet it's totally unrealistic.

 Lady Gaga is not my fashion icon, yet I do give her props. She spiced up a Ulyana Sergeenko haute-couture gown coat, and she looks amazing. However, I'm not as dedicated to fall fashion as Ms. Gaga because it was approximately 80 degees in London when she sported this coat. Look at the chicks in the background: dresses, sandals, and cut-outs. Apparently they dressed for the weather not the fashion season. Realistically, I would be a chick in the background; yet, I would desperately want to be the brave Lady Gaga who would sacrifice comfort for fashion on an 80 degree fall day.

The key to fall fashion success is modification. I can easily modify the above structure white and black looks by removing the jackets and maybe skipping the above the knee leather boots. Besides the boots and my thighs probably wouldn't be friends. Might I also take this opportunity to inform you that the "White After Labor Day Rule" has officially been disband. Please stop referring to it. Fashion rules were meant to be broken anyway. Rule breaking sets the stylish apart from the rest of the crowd.

www.glamour.com
L-R: Libertine, Altuzarra, Skaist-Taylor

The Runways were loaded with not only blacks and whites, but anything from the red pallet: crisp reds, pale pinks, blood red burgundies. Patterns also made a huge splash. I highlighted looks that were achievable trends for a typical southern fall. You can also easily transform your summer looks into fall fashion must haves with a few simple accessories. Holla for the Collar! I am dying for a few collar necklaces that I will transform my simple summer T's into professional chic blouses. Belting for Belts! A simple skinny black belt will not only accentuiate your waist, but will also help you to stay on trend for fall. And can we give an AMEN for modesty this fall! High necks were a runway favorite.

So cover up your 'lady friends' and come out and play in the crisp or not crisp southern air!

Gossip Girl Saved Me From a Life of Bad Fashion

I cringe every time I think about my past fashion mishaps. My coming of age fashion sense was practically nonexistent. I shopped at good stores, but completely missed the mark when it came to pulling a look together. I rocked doc Martins long past their exploration date. When most girls were rocking sexy stilettos I was still sporting my docs. Even too fraternity parties ... I have to pause for an inward cringe and an outward gag. If it weren't for Facebook, I think I could have successfully blocked out my entire freshmen year of college due to bad fashion. Sadly, I was completely sober every time I considered myself fly. My worst of the worst outfit was a layered black T-shirt and red jacket paired with khaki pants (because I didn't get enough of khaki pants during my school uniform days, I carried them to college. I was cool like that.) I pulled my look together with a pair of red sporty loafers that Sporty Spice would have worn in the 90s. A guy from Atlanta walked up to me and said, "Hey it's good to see another Georgia fan on campus." I wasn't a Georgia fan. 

Apparently three shirts
weren't enough,  I needed
to add a blazer to polish
the look. 

Two wonderful words:
Frumpy
Disgusting

Spoiler Alert: This was
a Victoria's Secret
Nighty. I thought it'd
be sexy day wear.

Hollister Worker Wannabe Holla

I contribute my bad fashion to the fact that I had to wear a school uniform during my formative fashion honing years. I was forced to work out my fashion kinks during the time I was suppose to be mastering the art of dressing sexy. I recommend that every school disban school uniforms. They are damaging to future fashion icons. I would also like to contribute my bad fashion to the fact that I desperately wanted to work at Hollister. All the cool kids worked there. In case you couldn't tell from the above pictures, I also didn't master the art of being cool. My failed attempts to be invited to work there weren't just devastating to my self-esteem, but also damaging for my future fashion reputation. Apparently I didn't fit the "look" that the off-color surfer brand was targeting.

However 2007 was a golden year. I was introduced to a TV gem that pretty much saved my fashion life. Gossip Girl was CPR to my lifeless wardrobe. I emulated their sexy seductive style down to Blair's headband.

Post Gossip Girl Revelations:

Accessories are powerful objects.
A dull mundane fitted T shirt could instantly transform into a chic sophisticated blouse with the addition of a statement necklace. Accessories were powerful tools that could grant an outfit the right to be edgy and feminine at the same time. Never leave home without your power tools.

Heels, boots, and flats were my new best friends.
I would no longer grant myself the right to sport doc Matins or Sporty Spice inspired red loafers. Shoes were the key to greatness. People look more at your shoes than they do at your eyes; therefore, it should be a crime to wear sneakers anywhere but the gym. Boat shoes should only be worn on your yacht. Flip-Flops should only be worn at the beach. Don't leave home without a pair of decent best friends. And do spend a lot of money on your best friends, you will thank yourself later.

Tailors weren't just for the wealthy, they are for the polished.
A tailor is the difference between mediocre and va-va-voom. If it doesn't fit, get tailor. Ill-fitted outfits never make the best dressed lists. And a phenomenal tailor never goes unappreciated.


Fashion is more than just clothes, it's a look. Thank you Gossip Girl for saving my life.

We all try on old clothes from time to time, and sure we may even be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn't mean we should wear them again, EVER! ~ Blair Waldorf

Every closet's dream

My school uniforms weren't this sexy.

Polished and perfectly styled.