Just be still and KNOW that I am God

I blinked and Christmas was over. I was fully aware that I wasn't in the Christmas spirit, and yet, I just didn't care. I was jaded from last year's Christmas dissatisfaction - it seemed like everyone had an issue with their gift. I was aggravated by how busy we were going to be during Christmas. I didn't want to hop from one house to the next house. I wanted to relax. (Side note: I fully believe that people should show a tad bit more appreciation for the Christmas traveler because it can be a complete beat down to travel during the Holidays.) I wanted Christmas to be about me. I wanted a fatter bank account so that I could buy anything and everything I wanted. I made a Christmas list and secretly/silently (sometimes not silently) demanded that every item be bought for me (Side note: If you would like to purchase any unpurchased items for me, just let me know - totally kidding (but really let me know)). In a year that I didn't need to be spending money, I found myself obsessively shopping, planning and worrying, having many 'keeping up with the Jones' moments, and doing anything and everything but celebrating the true meaning of Christmas.

And that's when Psalm 46:10 slapped me in the face, 'Just be still and know that I am God.' Throughout 2013 I have learned many valuable lessons and experienced many blessings, and yet, I still found myself missing the ball completely. I put everything above Christmas. I've realized I haven't focused on what's truly important in life. I have tried be my own god and I am simply not God. I can't be perfect and have everything I want. I will sometimes flat out not get my way. I am never going to have the most coveted closet or be the skinniest. It will never rain hundred dollar bills at my house. I won't be the most successful, and I can't climb every ladder. I won't be the best gift-giver, and sometimes I will just have to make a sacrifice and travel during the holidays. And that's alright. Someone will always outshine me, and that revelation doesn't scream poor self-esteem: it screams reality.  I need to stop chasing materialistic things because I wasn't put on this earth to accomplish materialistic success. I don't know what my life's purpose is yet, but I know what it isn't. I know that I should have stepped out of traffic, walked out of busy stores, and taken a long-loving look at the wonder of Christmas. I should have been in awe about Christmas. How could you not be in awe about someone who knows every selfish motive, witnesses every sin, and sees every tear, and yet loves you enough to send His son to earth to die for you?

My resolution for 2014 will be - to simply just be still.

In My Opinion, I'm Not Allowed to Have an Opinion

I have held an opinion my entire life. Some are outlandish - I believe in aliens. Some rival crazy - I believe in most conspiracy theories. Some are based on facts - I believe flossing helps me stay cavity free. And some have changed - I now buy into the whole dinosaur thing.

My opinion has always mattered within the context of my family. If there was a household decision, I was able to voice my opinion. When I was 10, I held the opinion that life was completely unfair because my much older sister had a horse when she was little and I didn't. When I was 16, I held the opinion that the family needed to make the switch from AT&T to CenturyTel because all the 'cool' kids had the CenturyTel cell phone plans. Did I get a horse? No ... Did my family switch cell phone plans? No ... Was I irritated that no one agreed with my opinion? Yes! Were temper-tantrums thrown? Yes.
Since my family didn't bow down to me and conform to my opinion, I was able to grasp the concept of 'real life'- not everyone is going to agree with my opinions and that's ok! Yet, over the course of my adult life, I have learned that I am not 'allowed' to have an opinion ... on anything, much less voice my opinion - a far cry from my upbringing.

In my opinion voicing an opinion is a treacherous deed. Every single thought I voice must be considered politically correct. I'm not an evil person. I love people plain and simple. I don't care who they are, who they love, where they are from, how much money they have, or what they look like.Yet, the opinionated child from Louisiana has learned to never openly express her opinion. I have watched friends lose their jobs for expressing their opinion on Social Media outlets. (I agree ... bad move). I have lost close girlfriends over a difference of opinion (not by my call). Sometimes there are fallouts from a difference of opinion and that is just life. I can't control what other people believe, much like they can't control what I believe. However, I am tolerant and still love others even when don't share the same opinion. I don't want to surround myself with people who always agree with me, that would result in a dull, boring life. I want to be challenged, I want to think. I want to truly decide what I believe. Yet, society doesn't preach tolerance on expressing different opinions, society preaches the need to conform. In an era where we are screaming for social rights for everyone, we are ultimately trying to silence a sector of society that holds a different opinion. Do I agree with various opinions that have been voiced by mainstream personalities? Most of the time No ... Do I want to see them become social outcast for holding an opinion? No. It's their opinion, plain and simple. Conversations and change have been birthed out of a difference of opinions.

You may or may not agree, but that's the beauty of my opinion.

Stop the Injustice

Before I step foot in 2014, I would like to make a movement to remedy several social injustices.
1. A call for bashfulness in 2014.

The was the least offensive
photo I was willing to post

I would like for Miley Cyrus to take a step back and fully grasp the repercussions of her "Free the Nipple" campaign. If we free the nip, we will eventually have to free everything, and quite frankly I am not down with freeing everything. I am 99.2% positive that most of America would agree with me, your junk needs to stay covered. It is a massive injustice for me to have to view  semi-nude selfies on my Facebook and Instagram feeds without any warning.

Prime Example of 'Modest is Hottest'
Fashion

Side-boob is not an accessory and neither are your pelvic musles. I am assuming these photos are meant for me to lustfully swoon, but in reality I am vomiting in my mouth and then swallowing.  I do not find it attractive to see pants pulled so low that I can almost see the downstairs region.  If you are a previous or current offender of this status update, please note you are not a Calvin Klein underwear model. David Beckham is not your doppelganger.
2. Give justice to water drinkers in 2014.

In the course of a dinner I
got up to fill my tiny cup 7 times. 

I first noticed this injustice when I was 10 at a local Italian eatery. I quickly learned to ask for a 'big girl cup' when ordering water. In an era of a clean living lifestyle, why am I penalized for drinking water? Water drinkers are just as thirsty as non-water drinkers. If we are making movements to quit smoking, eat clean, and live a healthy life-style, then we shouldn't be penalized for drinking water. I want a stinking normal sized glass when I order my water darn-it!
3. Stop the Internet hate.
I'll admit I am a tad bit snarky at times. I often want to post snide comments on people's over-the-top obnoxious status updates or pictures of their semi-nude selfies, but I refrain because I know at the end of the day the people on the other side of those annoying status updates are humans with feelings too. While 99% of the time they are unconsciously seeking my approval via Social Media likes, I can't hate on them, we all need a little love every now and then. Sure the Sound of Music Live might not have been the best quality, but that doesn't mean we have to hate on sweet Carrie. She was, after all, our American Idol, and millions men and women across America welcome her soulful football jingle every Sunday night.
4. By 2014 no should still mean NO!
For 19th time, I am not interested in selling Rodan + Fields. I don't care if those brilliant Proactiv derms invented a new skin care line and I have the chance to build a brand from the ground up. I'm not interested in changing skin or lives! While this might not be a global injustice, I don't want to feel guilty for not helping you make more money by becoming a Rodan + Fields rep. I'll be honest Proactiv didn't even work for me. And I fully believe that the bad skin was photo-shopped onto celebrities faces.

The Secret's Out

The secret is out ... I'm officially materialistic. I've momentarily finished my Christmas list (it's never really finished ... you never know when you might want to add something). This year I decided to turn my Christmas list into a blog post so that my friends and family (and really any stranger who feels sorry for me) could easily see what I want and plan accordingly.
My lover thinks that it is way to early to already have a Christmas list, but in my defense Christmas decorations have been out in Hobby Lobby Since September, I've already watched three Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel, and I heard a Christmas song in Home Depot last week. The only logical and courteous thing I could do was to go ahead and make my Christmas list. I am perfectly happy to ignore the fact that my Christmas list has been made since April 4; the day after my birthday. I am also perfectly aware that my Christmas list will not fulfill me, and by February I will be lusting after more materialistic things. Don't worry I have a fool-proof plan to make sure that my children won't be materialistic like me, I have decided to only give them experiences.


My Christmas list is also open to any experience: vacations, concerts, a trip to fashion week, quality time.
In addition to experiences I would like to add gift cards. I'll be honest, I don't believe in giving gift cards. I believe in taking time to pick things out that I think people will like. I also don't believe in giving gift cards to people because I will inevitably end up spending more money than I intended because I don't want to appear cheap. However, anyone who knows me knows that one of my greatest loves is shopping. And given my current residency in the Retirement Community and the fact that I am currently poor, I haven't gotten the opportunity to partake in one of my greatest loves. Therefore, by giving me gift cards for Christmas you are actually providing me with an experience, which isn't materialistic at all.

It doesn't have to be $75

Gift cards to the following places are acceptable:
Starbucks
Dillards (our only major department store)
Loft
Any boutique
Amazon
Ulta

I would also like the following items to my Christmas List; I am open to items that are similar to these. Against my better judgement I am deciding not to hyperlink these pictures for easier shopping ... I just didn't want to appear incredibly shallow.
Happy Shopping!

Over the knee riding boots
(I am open to two tone
riding boots)

Tory Burch 'Sammy' Messenger Bag

OR Michael Kors Cross-body bag
(Cobalt is the color of the season)

Touchscreen Tech Gloves

Leather Moto Jacket
(Since I am materialistic
I want my leather to look
REAL)

Jimmy Choo
fragrance

Sonicare toothbrush
(If you would like
to purchase this for me
I have a friend who can
hook you up with
a DISCOUNT)

Wine Preserver

So We're Breaking Up

Yep, we're breaking up, and it's about to be Facebook official. We had a long run. I'll be honest, it's been a godawful run. Most of our memories could be summed up as humorously tragic. I'm pretty sure God and I are the only ones who can make a blizzard on command. Although you have graciously given me special powers, I still think it's best to go our separate ways. I'm just out of love, and forgiveness doesn't come easy. I've held a grudge for a long time. In third grade you plagued me ... and my mother with your antics.

You  magically tricked the daycare workers into thinking I had lice. Yes, I spent my afternoons quarantined with the "real" lice kids, which caused me to miss out on good quality daycare memories. In sixth grade, you amplified my humiliating imitation of the infamous "Rachel" haircut. As we both remember, the haircut itself was horrific, then you had to make it worse, by sticking out like a sore thumb. I will say you were kinder to me in seventh grade when you politely went on hiatus after my sun-in incident. I'm tempted to dye my hair back to that brassy Copper shade, if I knew it meant you would vanish. I hate to even mention college. As a freshman you were everywhere. I had to wear a baseball cap on a daily basis, and I'm not a baseball-cap-kind-of-girl. I have Kate Hudson ears.You showed up while I was on my third date with Mr. Black Polo, and left your mark all over his black polo. I had to go shake my head out on his front porch before I could come back in (at his request ... not mine). I will forever be known as "snowflake," and not because I'm one of a kind. Your only redemption is that I eventually married Mr. Black Polo (at his request not mine ... just kidding).

Needless to say, your shenanigans have left me with scaring memories. I don't know when and I don't know how, but we are going to break up.  I've been to loads of Dermatologist; I'm well aware there just aren't any effective remedies, but I have to quit you. You ruin every black outfit, and it just has to stop.

Party for One

I have never felt more lonely. There is nothing more depressing than sitting in your best party outfit watching each headlight and listening to each car door shut and praying that they are coming to your party, and yet the party goers never come. After a year, you would think that I could finally throw a massive party again and have loads of people show up because after a year, I should have accumulated tons of friends. Sadly, I can count my friends on four fingers. We have always been the entertaining couple. New Years Eve party - people came, Sunday School party - people came, St. Patrick's Day party - people came (and participated in the River Dance contest), Birthday Parties - people came, Texas Football parties - people came (even if they were Oklahoma fans), Super Bowl party - people came and the sad Going Away Party - people came.

Sometimes you throw a party and no one comes, and then sometimes you throw a party and loads of strangers come. I have always welcomed party crashers with arms open wide, even when we had to pay for extra for wedding crashers. I've never met a stranger I didn't like; sure after I got to know them I might decide I don't like them, but at first everyone seems fun! Tonight I would be thrilled to welcome a party crasher.

As I sip my second glass of expensive Merlot, I realize it's not just my party that they won't come to. I have been the soul member at numerous parties in the Retirement Community. In a town with nothing to do, I will never understand why it is more appealing to watch TV alone than go interact with fun humans.

A Year Ago Today, I was Depressed.

A year ago today, I was on the brink of depression, a depression that any avid reader knows didn't even have the decency to suffocate my appetite. It should be a rule that skinniness always accompanies depression.

A year ago today, I sat in my living room and felt completely defeated, and for the next six months I lived with a why am I here mentality (not a why am I alive, but why am I living in Arkansas mentality ... I know why I'm alive). I poured myself into an imaginary book that will never be published, and started blogging. Today marks the first anniversary of Life in a Retirement Community. Happy Birthday!

A year ago today, I asked myself if I would like it here. Today my answer is a simple, not really, but it's ok! As my avid readers know (and yes, I have avid readers. Hi mom!), I miss good shopping ... I even miss decent shopping. Shopping that doesn't have Old Navy as a staple. I miss getting coupons in the mail and rushing out to use them. Instead no one has heard of Ulta and Ann Taylor, J. Crew, and Target are nonexistent, and my coupons expire before I can use them. I know that I am daily committing coupon blasphemy by throwing them away. It is just too painful to watch them expire. Some landfill is cashing in on my unused 10% discounts. I miss sneaking frivolous purchases into my closet. Now I just unabashedly march in with my shopping load because no one can argue with $5.00 shirt from TJ Max. I miss movie theaters with a credit card machines and stadium seating. While I enjoy the outdoors and the few friends I have made, this will never quite feel like home. I don't necessarily want to move back home, I just want to live somewhere with a little more vibrancy and a lot more shopping.

My depression has taken a hiatus: I changed gyms, found a new yoga studio (that ironically just let go of my favorite instructor), recruited younger neighbors to replace the 60 year olds next door, changed careers, and finally after four years of begging I got a bike. I am a total granola when I bike to yoga.

Needless to say, my worst nightmare has come true, I have adjusted. I survived my first tick bite, got over missing the 10 inches of snow at Christmas, and spend my weekends on the lake.
.

Happy Birthday Life in a Retirement Community.

I'm Sorry...I Have Body Image Issues

I would like to start off by offering a formal apology to my husband, my mom, my dad, my college roommates, my post-college roommates, my girlfriends, my dog, and anyone else who has watched me for the last 15 years stare into a full-length mirror and tenaciously pull the sides of my thighs back to admire what I thought my thighs should look like.  I would also like to offer an apology to my grandmother and all other dining companions. I know it was impolite to pull out my phone to calculate the caloric content and fat grams of my future meals. I am sorry to all restaurant staff; it was rude to make you wait while tediously decided which of your meals would do the least damage. My last apology goes to my friends from 7th grade. I made you late for the movies because my jeans wouldn't zip. In my defense I have lived with the humility of my mom rifling through the garage to find a pair of pliers and laying me down on the bed so we could successfully zip my jeans. I am still traumatized. I gained 35 pounds in 7th grade; partly because I ate a sleeve of Ritz crackers a day and a can of Cheese Balls a week.

I eat much cleaner now and I am still rocking my 7th grade weight. Society would want me to tell you that I have had body image issues since 7th grade because movie stars and models are so thin, but my issues come from stem from my genetics and taller people. Like any normal person I will go ahead and blame my mom, not because I inherited her genes, but because I didn't. I will also blame my dad, I wanted to at least be 5'6" because James Marsten said in Seventeen that his dream girl's name was Lauren and she was 5'6"and I am still three inches shy of being his dream girl.

I would like to tell you that this blog post is therapeutic and I am getting over my issues, but who am I kidding, I have a bike under my desk and I flip out if I don't get some form of workout every day. Secretly I am hoping that book The Secret is real and that if I throw out to the Universe that I want thinner thighs, I will get thinner thighs.

Saving the Super Bowl

I'll admit I am girly-girl; yet, I politely let the duck and dog picture hang over my master bedroom for three years without saying one word.  (There was no need to rehang the picture after we moved to the Retirement Community.) I've also been robbed of picking fun-frilly comforters out because every pattern besides stripes and plaid is considered feminine. Enough is enough! I'm laying down the law and saving the Super Bowl. Just because the Super Bowl might be consider "man's domain," doesn't mean that it can't have a few feminine touches. It's time to glam up Super Bowl parties, and there are a few simple steps we, Sporing Event Superheros, must take!

Step 1: Pick your team and dress accordingly. 

Ditch the over-sized jersey. I am skipping the jersey/sports T-shirt because I have always dressed for women, not men. (I've never met a man who complimented me on my Rag and Bone dress and then asked me out. However, I have made plenty of girlfriends over S&D jewels, handbags, shoes, dresses ... If it's on my body and you compliment me, we are instant BFFs.)

I am still undecided on which team I am rooting for. I am thrilled San Francisco is in the Super Bowl again, and not because my crush from fourth grade wore a Steve Young starter jacket every day. The 49ers were all about the gold! And if you ask me, if they win then I should all get a new piece of gold jewelry ... it's only fair. Yet, I am still torn because purple is my favorite color! Decisions! I guess I will just have to wait until Sunday to see what color jeans I put on! Lucky for me I have red and purple jeans.

Step 2: Protect your friends from obesity.  I'm not gaining extras lbs because "the big game" is on! I have found healthy junk food thanks to www.skinnytaste.com! My good friend (I've never met her, but she plans my weekly meals, so I consider her to be a good friend.) has introduced me to some skinny Super Bowl snacks!

Spicy Buffalo Shrimp Dip

Skinny Rotel Cheese Dip minus Velveeta

Buffalo Cauliflower 

Step 3: Fake chic creativity. 
 Pinterest Party! I might not always be a pinner, but I am a great searcher. (I've asked ... no one looks at my boards). When I need to spice up anything and everything in my life I hop on over to www.pintrest.com and pretend that I am creative. Works like a charm!

If you must Carb it up, go big or go home

Fried Zucchini Footballs

Field Goal Cupcakes
See skinnytaste for a low-fat
Chocolate Cupcake Recipe. 

A spread that people will be talking about!

Can Food Utensils! 

Spring 2013 Trends Already Hanging in Your Closet

I have never been a self-proclaimed "recessionista" nor have I been a highbrow fashionista. Sadly, I do not have Gucci or Fendi hanging on hangers in my closet. I do aspire to be a highbrow fashionista and if anyone would like to sponsor me ... feel free! Since living in the Retirement Community, I have regressed in fashion and have learned quite a bit about recycling my outfits. After all the Retirement Community is a far cry from a shopping mecca!

I know it's still January, but Spring lines have already dropped, and before you rush out to buy the latest trends, check your closet!

Stripes - I know you were taught that horizontal stripes make you look big, but that's a lie! Pull out your hidden stripes and rock them with pride. Those of you who still refuse, rest assured vertical stripes are in!
Green - the color of the season, you will be completely stylish March 17th.
Water - an inspiration for multiple designers this season ...
Mid Drift - since my six pack hasn't arrived yet, I won't be baring a chic little peek

Oscar de la Renta

Michael Kors

Charlotte Ronson

Timo Weiland

I have a closet full of stripes, and if designers can come up with water as an inspiration, then I can definitely use "water" as an inspiration for my current wardrobe!

Lauren Warren
(I guess I am a recessionista
after all. Homemade
maxi) Thanks Pintrest!
Necklace Francesca

Ann Taylor and various boutique apparel
I already had a closet full of water and stripes!
Lucky me! 

The next spring trend has not been in my closet since I was a high-school-youth-group camper who needed shorts that wouldn't "tempt" the boys. Believe me there was absolutely no tempting in my boy-repellent shorts! I am short and long shorts on my body attract ... well not boys.

Bermuda Shorts - before you cringe, there is good news. This revamped trend might not be so bad they are baggier and a little more chic. I might be seduced into buying a pair! 

Peter Som, Rag and Bone, DKNY

Shorts: Abercrombie decades old
Top: Ann Taylor
Jewelry: Stella and Do

Chloe

Don't be alarmed I styled a pair of my husbands old shorts to see if I liked the trend on my body. Trend Status: currently undecided. I just don't feel sexy ... I think it is the plaid, but if I were at least a foot taller and they weren't plaid, I would be all over these shorts! 

All White - I might need a tan and a no stain zone, but I already have white in my closet!

Over-sized Ruffles - I love bows, ruffles, and sparkles. I am so in heaven on this trend! My closet it already stocked!

60s Silhouettes - Classic 

Louise Vuitton

Dress: Anne Kline
Jewelry: Stella and Dot
I added a 70s flair with
the head band. 

Black and White - just when the White House Black Market started stocking color.

Summer Suits - definitely not practical for summer in the south, but possibly practical for spring. Trend status - weather permitting. 

Peek-a-boo Sheer - Never in real life would I attempt this trend. 

Victoria Beckham

Michael Kors, Tory Burch, Helmut Lang

Alexander Wang, Jason Wu, Marc Jacobs

Jacket: Banana Republic
Top: Ann Taylor Loft
Short: J. Crew

Jacket: Lauren Conrad
Top: Ann Taylor
Shorts: J. Crew
Jewelry: Stella and Dot

Shirt: Old Navy
Skirt: J. Crew
Jewelry: Stella and Dot

Creatures of the Wind

Chambray and Denim - so long are the days of denim = white trash. We gave denim a classier name Chambray and Voila' it's all over the runways!

Finally flats are the last trend. 

Flats and Low Heels - Victoria Beckham will not be happy about this trend, and generally I wouldn't either. However, since moving to the retirement community, I have felt habitually over dressed everywhere I go. Therefore, I am gladly welcoming flats into my wardrobe!

Shirt: Calvin Klein
Shoes: Jessica Simpson
Jewelry: Stella and Dot

Peter Som, Marc Jacobs

Let's Be Friends!

My phrase since moving here has been, "Hey! Let's be friends!" Everyone in the retirement community has been nothing but nice and helpful, but finding people that you have a genuine connection with and want to actually spend time with is a lot harder than people realize. I always thought moving away sounded glamorous. I imagined a city with a vibrant social scene, instant friends, good church, and a cool job all just waiting for me to arrive. Then I moved. And quickly realized moving away to my fantasy world does sounds glamorous, but sadly my fantasy world doesn't exist. In reality, moving is far from glamorous. It requires you to start over from scratch in so many areas of life, and it never promises that everything you loved where you were would magically travel with you and be waiting for you when you arrive.

Good friends are hard to find, which was a lesson that I never really learned growing up. Friends were everywhere and making them seemed easy. I walked down the street and asked the neighbor to play. BAM I have a best friend. (Now, I am pretty sure that if I walked down the street and ask my neighbor if they wanted to be friends they would think I was crazy!) As I grew and became involved with extra curricular activities new people entered my friendship circle. I had tons of friends. Some of those friendships have lasted and some haven't. I randomly bumped into a childhood girlfriend over the holidays. As we were searching for common ground, I thought to myself at one point in life we shared our most intimate thoughts with each other and now we are scrambling to find something to talk about. I should have kept in touch with you over the years.

I have made a couple of good friends, but I have also learned the value of keeping up with old friends and that to make good friends, I have be a good friend.