I would like to start off by offering a formal apology to my husband, my mom, my dad, my college roommates, my post-college roommates, my girlfriends, my dog, and anyone else who has watched me for the last 15 years stare into a full-length mirror and tenaciously pull the sides of my thighs back to admire what I thought my thighs should look like. I would also like to offer an apology to my grandmother and all other dining companions. I know it was impolite to pull out my phone to calculate the caloric content and fat grams of my future meals. I am sorry to all restaurant staff; it was rude to make you wait while tediously decided which of your meals would do the least damage. My last apology goes to my friends from 7th grade. I made you late for the movies because my jeans wouldn't zip. In my defense I have lived with the humility of my mom rifling through the garage to find a pair of pliers and laying me down on the bed so we could successfully zip my jeans. I am still traumatized. I gained 35 pounds in 7th grade; partly because I ate a sleeve of Ritz crackers a day and a can of Cheese Balls a week.
I eat much cleaner now and I am still rocking my 7th grade weight. Society would want me to tell you that I have had body image issues since 7th grade because movie stars and models are so thin, but my issues come from stem from my genetics and taller people. Like any normal person I will go ahead and blame my mom, not because I inherited her genes, but because I didn't. I will also blame my dad, I wanted to at least be 5'6" because James Marsten said in Seventeen that his dream girl's name was Lauren and she was 5'6"and I am still three inches shy of being his dream girl.
I would like to tell you that this blog post is therapeutic and I am getting over my issues, but who am I kidding, I have a bike under my desk and I flip out if I don't get some form of workout every day. Secretly I am hoping that book The Secret is real and that if I throw out to the Universe that I want thinner thighs, I will get thinner thighs.
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