Since there is so much to do in my new town past 9:00 pm
(sarcasm), I watched an episode of Empire Girls. Once I
started I couldn't stop, the outfits were mostly train wrecks, and I'm not
being mean ... they just were. I really just wanted to reach threw the TV
and become Adrienne's nonprofessional stylist. Right away I would let her know
that she isn't Rosie the Riveter, a member of the jihad, or a vampire.
Here are a few of her fashion mishaps, which are
trends I recommend avoiding.
Cat Nails are creepy. This does not make you
look edgy or like Rihanna ... it makes you look creepy, and we ALL know that
you can't zip your pants with cat nails so we are constantly wondering when we are in your presences who is doing your
zipping. A recommended modifier to this tragic trend would be Keri's nails.
They are way more functional, and in my opinion a classic pop of color that
won't leave her staring at this picture in 5 years wondering, "what the
heck was I thinking." We all want to have that Jackie O, Audrey Hepburn
timeless beauty that will be emulated decades after we are gone, and let's face
it, Cat Nails aren't getting us there!
I'm also
stuck wondering why she is rocking a hot pink turban on her head. Was her hair
dirty?
These are
questions people are really thinking when you think you look fly.
Her last look that truly
baffled me was her bathing suit. I know in between takes, the crew had to be
de-sweating her. I know celebs go to the beach all glammed up, but I truly
think that glamour is effortless beauty, not a Cat woman/bathing suit get up. I
know you're just as confused as I was by this bathing suit. Can we even call it
a bathing suit? Her friend in the yellow is the epitome of glamorous
beach attire. She knew where she was going and dressed for the part. I'm the
biggest heel lover, but even I know there is a time and place for heels, and
it's not the beach.
Life will always be full of fashion trends, and it's ok to
say no to some of them. Point in Case: my experience with the
"Rachel" haircut ... disaster from the first snip.
Here are a few other fashion trends that I am choosing to say
no to.
One bell bottoms. I rocked them in middle school and high school and
sadly still my freshman year of college. This was before Skinny Jeans were
invented. I became a dress lover only because I was an even bigger jean hater.
I am short and Italian. I have thighs. My thighs don't look good in bell-bottoms.
If I didn't have these pieces on the side my thigh then I would rock bell-bottoms
... maybe. But I do have those pieces and I am not rocking bell-bottoms because
they make my thighs look bigger, and why should I risk looking larger just to
be in "style"? It's ok for me to say no to bell-bottoms, and I am
glad that all of mine are sitting in a Goodwill somewhere so that I wouldn't
even be the slightest bit tempted. If you do dig the bell-bottom look then pair
them with heels or wedges ... not your Doc Martens from middle school because
your pieces on your thighs need to be elongated.
The
second trend I am saying no to is tie-dyed hair. I might have rocked a feather in my hair, but I am not rocking
purple hair (even though purple is my favorite color). I know my limits, and I
know that sadly I'm not a rock star. Yes people jam out to my version of Gangster's
Paradise at karaoke bars, but I also know that Kool-Aid dyed hair
is not for me. I also wish that Joan Rivers would tell Kelly Osbourne and Katy
Perry that it isn't for them either. It's like taking color blocking to a whole
new level, and sometimes we really don't need to do that. I don't even
recommend that strip of Kool-Aid hair. Just wear colorful earrings.
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