I've Been "Out-Mommed"

All the other moms "out-mom" me by far. I freely admit that you're all doing it better than me! And I'm ok with that. I haven't openly cringe when people touch my kid without hand-sanitizer. My kid is the youngest kid in the church nursery. (It's ok. I'm not offended as you wince behind the computer screen ... I need a break on Sunday mornings ... and every Monday - Friday morning.) I haven't played any classical music. I haven't spent a fortune on clothes or toys. I have taken a laid-back approach to motherhood (or so I thought). Despite my over-posting on Social Media and over-shares on bowel movements (What has happened to me? Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would freely talk about poop .... NE-VER!), I don't have things under and I'm a far cry from laid-back.

In the span of a week:
I have called poison control, made the bug guy stand outside while I frantically cleaned up a blowout (who knew that much crap could come out of such a small creature), almost rushed to the ER for an alleged spider bite, shoved my kid because I thought she quit breathing (thanks Angel Care monitor), had numerous 3 am google sessions making sure my kid is functioning properly, researched how to save the world, convinced myself that my kid is tongue tide and will inevitably need speech therapy and had the bazillionth breakdown over my weight.

Naturally I've found comfort in Sir Mix-A-Lot. His honesty is refreshing. I'm fully aware that my side bends and sit ups aren't getting rid of my motor in the back of my Honda. And I want to punch every person who "claims" that they instantly lost their baby weight. At least Sir Mix-A-Lot can not lie. I too am"tired of magazines." Glamour, thank you for pointing out to me that everyone is doing it better than me. I'm sorry that I haven't started a trendy non-profit that saves the world or that I am not a savvy techie in Silicon Valley. I haven't designed my own clothing line, and I am not currently the CEO of anything besides my house ... and the majority of the time I don't even classify as the CEO. I'm just trying to raise a kid. And judging by my week, I'm rocking it. Needless to say Glamour I'm not going to win Mother of the Year. I will aim for Mother of the Week. It much more achievable ... just not this week.

I have no explanation for the above text correspondence. I just ask that everyone pray that I can make it through the next 18 years. Also note from the silence on the other end of this correspondence, it's clear who the more reasonable parent is.